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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27818881">The Intricacies of Intimacy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoSnowInWynter/pseuds/NoSnowInWynter'>NoSnowInWynter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Athletic Trainer Iwaizumi Hajime, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Pro Volleyball Player Oikawa Tooru, Slow Build, daisuga - Freeform, kind of</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:07:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,664</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27818881</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoSnowInWynter/pseuds/NoSnowInWynter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years ago Tooru Oikawa move out of the country and out of Hajime's life, and much like the boxes of valuables and trinkets waiting to be packed in his apartment, thoughts of Oikawa refuse to be tucked away and leave him be.</p><p>They meet again when Tooru returns for a new work opportunity, and while navigating life, love, friendship and intricacies of intimacy, they unravel what was, what is and what might still be.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I'm home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please note: Coronavirus did not happen in this world. They're blissfully COVID free and living their lives.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m home,” Hajime’s voice echoed off the wooden floors of his apartment as he crowded through the small doorway, dumping his bags and shoes in the genkan.</p><p>His apartment didn’t answer him, but it never did these days. Leaving his bags in a messy pile he shifted through the dark hallway, dodging flat pack boxes and his gym socks from the morning, before finally reaching his destination: the couch.</p><p>The tension left Hajime’s body in the form of a loud groan as he collapsed face-first into the worn cushions of his three-seater. From this vantage point, the yellow light from the street outside cast deep shadows in the open ends of the boxes lying about his lounge room and Hajime stared at them, wondering if their endless depth hid more than just packed up memories.</p><p>Wow, he was morbid tonight.</p><p>Before he could fall too deep into his self-pity party for one, his ringtone sounded, the old J-pop song loud and intrusive in the quiet of his home. One look at the caller ID had the tension re-entering Hajime in the same way it left — with a groan, he answered.</p><p>“What do you want?”</p><p>“Wow Iwaizumi. Is that any way to talk to an old friend?” Hanahakki’s deep voice rumbled into Hajime’s ear. Deep, but loud to be heard over the noise in the background of wherever he was. He must be out.</p><p>Hajime just grunted in response. He’d had a long day and wasn’t really in the entertaining mood.</p><p>“Okay then. I can sense this was a bad time to call, which is probably why it is super important that you do as I say.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Come out tonight.”</p><p>Hajime wasn’t really surprised by this request; his friends had asked him the same thing every couple of nights for the last few months. But his answer had remained the same.</p><p>“N—”</p><p>“Nope. Not taking no for answer this time. You’ve spent enough time moping! It’s time to re-emerge into the land of the living.</p><p>“Issei is on his way, so is Yahaba and a couple of our old team members — including some of the old first years. So come.”</p><p>Hajime stayed silent for a moment, eyes still on the box in his living room.</p><p>“I can’t. I’m going to pack.”</p><p>Hanamakki sighed. “No, you won’t.”</p><p>“What.”</p><p>“Hajime, you’ve been packing for the last two weeks. Have you even finished the box your mum started before she left on her holiday?”</p><p>Hajime eyes moved from the half-packed box to others lying around the room. Some were in varying forms of being made, and a roll of packing tape sat on the floor, the sticky end tapped down on the wood as if he had stepped away from the task for just a few minutes, rather than weeks.</p><p>“I— It’s coming along.”</p><p>“No, it’s not.” He could almost hear Hanamakki shake his head. “And even if it was, you’re not going to finish it tonight. So come out.”</p><p>“Okay,” Hajime relented. Hanamakki did a small cheer before saying the name of the bar they were at and ending the call.</p><p>Hajime stared blankly at his phone. His lock screen was still an old picture from high school of him and Oikawa laughing at something — probably something dumb Oikawa had said. When the screen faded to black, Hajime got up to get changed out of his work clothes and into something more comfortable, and he wondered — not for the first time that week, month or even today — what Oikawa was doing?</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Music and people were spilling out of the bar, the buzz of conversation from the crowd at war with the steady beat of the bass from the speakers. One look at the stage confirmed the music came from a four-person band playing above the raised arms of their dancing audience.</p><p>Hajime let his eyes linger a moment on the brown curls of their guitarist before turning to sweep the tables for his friends. He found the tall hulking figure of Masukawa first, bending down to talk to someone — presumably Hanamakki — and made a beeline for their table.</p><p>They had secured a booth in the dimly lit seating area and Matsukawa, Hanamakki (who he had in fact been talking to), Yahaba and Kindaichi all cheered when they saw him, shoving against each other to make more room.</p><p>Matsukawa yelled about getting drinks as Hajime slid in beside Kindaichi, the back of his neck flushed from the attention from his friends.</p><p>“Iwaizumi-senpai! I’m so glad you could make it!” Kindaichi chirped, making Hajime wince.</p><p>Kindaichi had always been a little nervous around Hajime, and even the several years between high school and now hadn’t changed that — or been enough to convince him to drop the ‘senpai’ in his address.</p><p>“Thanks, Kindaichi. It’s good to see you. How’s your game going?”</p><p>Kindaichi had been playing V-League Division 2 for the last year.</p><p>“Good! I’m still a little bummed about not making Div. 1, but my team is really strong, so I’m hoping to improve enough to try again next year.”</p><p>Hajime hummed, and Kindaichi took that a reason to keep discussing the different merits of players he worked with.</p><p>Hajime listened with half an ear, wondering faintly if learning about the skills and weaknesses of a team he was no apart of was a conflict of interest for him.</p><p>Luckily, he was saved from having to decide whether or not to tell Kindaichi to stop talking to him about his team when Mastukawa returned and pushed a beer into his hands. He raised it in thanks and took a long swig, the cool liquid soothing to his parched throat.</p><p>He finished his drink in a couple of gulps and Matsukawa raised his eyebrows at him impressed, before sliding his own drink to Hajime and lighting a cigarette instead. Hajime took it gratefully but eyed the cigarette in distaste.</p><p>“Those things will kill you y’know,” He said. Hanamakki and Mastukawa traded a look before bursting out in laughter. Yahaba joined in and even Kindaichi got in a small chuckle before a cool voice sliced across the noise.</p><p>And the whole bar went silent.</p><p>“I see some things never change. Iwa-chan is still a nagging mother.”</p><p>The laughter stopped and everyone stared at the young man standing at the foot of their table. They hadn’t noticed him approach, but he held their full attention now, as he generally did.</p><p>Oikawa.</p><p>The silence was quickly replaced with cheers as his friends jumped out of their seats and launched themselves at Oikawa, yelling different variations of “hello” and “it’s been so long!” and “why didn’t you tell us you were back!”.</p><p>Hajime stayed seated. Eyes glued to his childhood friend and mouth hung open in surprise. He tried to collect himself as too many emotions to count raced through him.</p><p>
  <em>What's he doing here? Why is he back? Is he here to stay? What's he doing here? God, has he gotten taller? Of course, he looks great! How do I look? What is he doing HERE?</em>
</p><p>A slap from Yahaba across Oikawa’s back pulled Hajime from the spiral his beer hazy mind had begun falling down.</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me in your call the other day that you were coming back to Tokyo?” The younger man said a wide grin across his face.</p><p>Hajime stiffened. He knew that Oikawa had stayed in contact with some of their friends, even if he wasn’t included in that anymore, but he hadn’t known how frequent or serious that contact was.</p><p>Something that felt disturbingly close to jealously tightened his stomach.</p><p>Finally, the cheers died down enough for a proper conversation, and his friends crowded the table as Hanamakki raised his glass in a toast.</p><p>Hajime raised his as well and his eyes met Oikawa’s for the first time that night.</p><p>“Welcome home, Oikawa,” Hanamakki said and their friends echoed the sentiment.</p><p>Oikawa smiled and while holding Hajime’s eyes replied. “I’m home.”</p><p>When they drank, Hajime tipped his head back and chugged the last of his drink. When he came up for air, Oikawa was still looking at him. He ignored the raised eyebrow and stuttered out a quick excuse about getting a new drink to his friends, before shoving out of the group and escaping to the bar.</p><p>He ordered a shot then and there, throwing it back before asking the bartender for something a little more complicated.</p><p>His escape didn’t last long as a familiar hand rested against his shoulder and a warm voice that he has spent too long trying to forget breathed past his ear.</p><p>“Running away from me Iwa-chan?”</p><p>Hajime stiffened under the familiar touch. He wanted to run again, but he wouldn’t lose to Oikawa. He wouldn’t dammit.</p><p>He turned and took in Oikawa who was leaning against the bar seeming relaxed, all calm nonchalance. But Hajime knew, knew from the tight edge of Oikawa smile, from the hard look in his brown eyes, that he was not calm, that he was not indifferent to their meeting here, for the first time in three years.</p><p>“I didn’t know what to say,” Hajime said to him, honestly. He didn’t think he had it in him to lie to Oikawa tonight, and the alcohol he had consumed was helping loosen his tongue.</p><p>“You could start with saying hi,” came Oikawa’s reply. “We haven’t seen each other in a long time, I think that is the socially acceptable thing to do.</p><p>He was trying to get a rise out of Hajime.</p><p>“Hi,” Hajime said.</p><p>“Hi,” Oikawa replied.</p><p>The bartender returned with Hajime’s drink and a second shot. Before Hajime could grab it however Oikawa’s hand shot out and stole it. Hajime caught the glint of the bottom of the shot glass in the bar lights before Oikawa slammed it back down on the bench empty.</p><p>Hajime just gaped at him.</p><p>“What was that for?” he asked, but Tooru ignored him.</p><p>“You didn’t answer my question. Why are you running away from me Iwaizumi?”</p><p>Hajime flinched at the use of his last name, but he didn’t back down, he wouldn’t. Not from Oikawa.</p><p>“I didn’t. I finished my drink and came to get another. Which you just drank, then—”</p><p>“Bullshit.” Oikawa spat out. “you’re avoiding me.”</p><p>“How could I do that? You only just got here?”</p><p>They stared each other down, neither willing to move an inch.</p><p>“That’s not what I meant, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said.</p><p>“What do you mean then?” he asked.</p><p>Tooru bit his lip, and Hajime tried desperately not to follow the movement. Tried and failed.</p><p>“You’ve been avoiding me for a long time.” He said finally. “Not just tonight.”</p><p>Suddenly Hajime felt boiling hot anger rise within him.</p><p>“I avoided you?” He spat, each word leaving his mouth like acid. “Me? You’re the one who left Oikawa. You. You left me—”</p><p>“I didn’t know what else to do. You left me no choice, I—”</p><p>“You could have told me! You could have said anything at all. Not just pack your bags and leave. I know things were bad between us, but—”</p><p>“Bad?” It was Oikawa’s turn to interrupt, anger colouring his tone. “Is that what you think of it? Is that how you explained it to our friends? Our family? As <em>bad</em>?”</p><p>Hajime shrunk back from the intensity, the anger in Oikawa’s gaze.</p><p>“You still left,” he said, but his voice sounded weaker — as if the anger and hurt in Oikawa’s words had drained the feelings from his own.</p><p>Oikawa sighed and pushed himself off the bar. He was done with this conversation.</p><p>“And whose fault was that, Hajime?” Oikawa turned without waiting for an answer and walked back to their table of friends. They cheered again as he neared, shoving each other over to make room for him at their table. Oikawa sat down beside his old teammates and long-time friends and smiled, saying something that got the table laughing again.</p><p>“So… your friends sure do make a lot of noise.” A voice to Hajime’s left interrupted his thoughts as he watched his friends, who were indeed making a lot of noise. He turned and looked at the man who had spoken to him. It was the guitarist from the band that had been playing when he entered. Shit, he hasn’t even noticed them finish their set — he’d been too focused on Oikawa.</p><p>The guitarist was smiling at him — a small, coy curve of the lip. Up close he wasn’t as attractive as Hajime had originally thought. His eyes were slightly too far apart, and his nose turned up in a way that most would probably find cute, but he found slightly snobbish.</p><p>Well, what did he care, it’s not like he was here to fall in love. He returned the man’s smile.</p><p>“They sure are. Nice set by the way.”</p><p>The guitarist’s smile increased.</p><p>“Thank you. I ah, I noticed you looking at me a couple of times through it.” Once. Hajime had only looked at him once when he walked in, didn’t he? “You like what you see?”</p><p>Hajime reached up and tucked a loose curl framing the man's face behind his ear.</p><p>“Maybe I did.”</p><p>The man caught Hajime’s wrist as he lowered his hand from his face and slid his palm along Hajime’s arm until their fingers were tangled together.</p><p>“Wanna get out of here? Go somewhere else fun?”</p><p>This was a bad idea. But he was drunk and hurting and this man was offering a way out. So he stepped a little closer and let the man kiss him softly.</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>Although Hajime’s apartment was closer, they ended up at the guitarist’s place, hands grabbing and mouths sucking as they pushed through the door and tumbled into the stranger's room.</p><p>As Hajime lay back in the guitarist’s bed, gasping a name he’d forget by morning as the man pushed into him again and again, he closed his eyes and pretended it was another’s brown curls his fingers were getting stuck in and another’s broad back where his nails dragged thin, red lines across. And when he came, he did so with a gasp of a name he could never forget — even when he tried.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The screech of curtain hooks scarping along their rail woke him up as harsh morning light filled his bedroom. He’d snuck home late last night after the guitarist — whose name he really couldn’t member… Tomo? — fell asleep.</p><p>With a groan worthy of a soldier wounded in battle, he turned over and shoved his face back into his pillows.</p><p>“Oh no you don’t.” A strong hand grabbed the pillow Hajime was pressed against and ripped it away, pulling Hajime slightly side-ways so he was staring blearily up at the small, angry face of his younger sister.</p><p>Iwaizumi Miyoko wore the famous Iwaizumi scowl well and her crinkled forehead and scrunched nose did not detract from the beauty of her big green eyes and long, glossy black hair. Hair she flipped over her shoulder as she regarded her older brother unimpressed, the piercing in her nose glinting the in the morning light.</p><p>“I was told you had a big night,” she stated, crossing her arms over her chest. While Hajime was broad and brawny, Miyoko was lithe and sinewy, her muscles strong from years of dance and gymnastics. She couldn’t beat him in an arm wrestle, but she gave him a damn good fight.</p><p>“What?” Hajime croaked. His throat felt dusty and his mouth tasted terrible.</p><p>“You had a big night,” Miyoko said again. “And I know for a fact you have a big day today. So, I came over to get your sorry ass out of bed.” She grinned at him evilly. “Aren’t I the best sister ever?”</p><p>“Why?” He groaned again in response. His head pounded and all he wanted to do was snuggle back down and sleep for another hour… or maybe the rest of the day. Today… did Miyoko say he had a big day toda— today!</p><p>Hajime surged upright in an instant.</p><p>“What time is it?” he demanded.</p><p>“Chill Nii-chan,” Miyoko said, holding her palms up as if to ward him off. “It’s just before 7. You’ve still got time.”</p><p>Hajime sighed in relief and lay back down, nestling amongst his pillows again. If it was still early maybe he could convince Miyoko to let him sleep a little bit more. But he should have known better. Once his sister had set her mind to something there was no dissuading her.</p><p>As if to prove this point, Miyoko pulled the cover off him this time and Hajime retracted his legs to his chest, curling around himself to try and protect his bare legs from the cool morning air.</p><p>“C’mon Nii-chan. Time to get up.” With that she dumped his blanket at the foot of his bed and walked out, yelling over her shoulder as she went. “You’re making breakfast, so go shower. You stink!”</p><p>Hajime lay on his bed and stared at the roof for a moment longer, contemplating the merits of ignoring his sister and going back to sleep, but ultimately deciding it wasn’t worth it. He groaned one more time as he stumbled out of bed and into the shower, rinsing the night before off his body and out of his mouth with warm steamy water. With the steam and hot water came alertness and he swore as the memories and full weight of what he did the night before came crashing down.</p><p>Slamming the tap off he nearly tripped over his feet as he raced out of the shower to stare at his reflection in the foggy bathroom mirror. He swore again as he took in the bright red hickey that had found residence in the juncture of his neck and shoulder.</p><p>“Fuck!” his voice was louder than he realised and he was sure his sister had heard, but he didn’t care as he stormed out of his bathroom and threw on his work slacks and a muscle tee, slamming his bedroom door open and stalking into the living room.</p><p>His sister raised an eyebrow over her phone as she watched him stomp his way into the kitchen with detached indifference, but she offered no commentary and he was grateful for it.</p><p>It was an unspoken rule between them, to never judge the other, that had started when Miyoko walked in on Hajime and his first boyfriend making out on his bed during his final year of high school and he had been forced to come out to her. Miyoko had been in her third year of middle school but was already showing signs of becoming the stubborn and opinionated woman she was today. That day she had just shrugged at the news and told him to do as he liked, but lock the door next time because <em>I don’t care who you kiss so long as you don’t do it in front of me Nii-chan</em>.</p><p>Despite her words and the scrunched nose, the hand she had ruffled through his hair had been gentle and in her eyes held a promise to never judge.</p><p>“About time.” Was all she said before her eyes went back to her phone. She was lounged on his couch, legs resting atop the back support. Hajime didn’t know how she did that, or why she found it comfortable, but for some reason whenever she was relaxed Miyoko liked to rest her feet slightly higher than her head. He wondered if it had something to do with resting her feet and stopping swelling after hours of dancing.</p><p>“Why do I have to make breakfast if I’m the one with the hangover?” he groused, pulling pots and pans out of the kitchen cupboards. One look at the rice cooker confirmed that it was on — at least Miyoko had done that much.</p><p>“Idiots who go out drinking when they have an important day at work the next day don’t get to make decisions about breakfast,” Miyoko called back from the living room.</p><p>Hajime just grunted in response, his heart stuttering a little at the thought of what was coming for him at work today. He cooked in silence, lost in his thoughts, and Miyoko offered no other comments until they were both seated at the table, breakfast steaming in front of them.</p><p>Miyoko waited until Hajime had swallowed his first bite and then she attacked.</p><p>“So what did you do last night?”</p><p>“What?” Hajime was surprised by the question. One look at his sister told him that she knew exactly what he had done last night and that she did not approve. What about their rule not to judge? Not to invade the other privacy?</p><p>“What did you do? Do you remember?” She said again. Her eyes were hard and unrelenting.</p><p>“I do.” He said carefully. “Remember that is.”</p><p>Miyoko nodded, taking her time to eat another bite before speaking again. “I thought so.”</p><p>“Do you know?” He asked. He didn’t know how she would, not unless she was talking to—</p><p>Miyoko nodded.</p><p>“Yeah. I heard. That’s how knew you would be in a sorry state this morning and decided it was about time for a little brother-sister catch-up.”</p><p>“How?” Hajime demanded, but Miyoko remained silent and the siblings stared down each other for a moment, their breakfast cooling rapidly in front of them.</p><p>“Tooru-nii told me,” she said.</p><p>Hajime gaped at her. So, she was still talking to Oikawa! Was everyone talking to his old best friend but him? He wanted to say something, but Miyoko wasn’t finished.</p><p>“It was a real dick move Nii-chan,” she said. She wasn’t even trying to disguise the disapproval now, it dripped from every word she said. “I know— you know— I don’t like to stick my nose into your business, and I won’t judge you for your decisions, but that was cruel.</p><p>“It’s one thing to hook up with randoms whose names you don’t even remember — don’t interrupt me! I know you don’t — but it’s another thing to do it in front of your ex-boyfriend who is also your life-long best friend.” Miyoko chest heaved as she finished.</p><p>“Ex-bestfriend,” Hajime said. Miyoko just rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Ex-whatever bullshit you're telling yourself. That doesn’t excuse what you did.”</p><p>She was right, and he knew it. But he wasn't sure what to say, how to excuse himself. It had been cruel, but so were the words Oikawa had thrown at him. So was seeing your ex-boyfriend in a bar after he disappeared from your life with no explanation three years ago. So Hajime said nothing and went back to his eating his breakfast.</p><p>For a time the only noise was the sound of their chopsticks occasionally clicking against their bowls. Finally, the words burning on Hajime’s tongue couldn’t be held back and he all but threw them up on the table before his sister.</p><p>“You— you’re still talking to Oi— to Tooru?” Hajime said.</p><p> Miyoko scoffed, a very Oikawa sounding noise.</p><p>“Of course I’m still talking to Tooru! Just because you cut him off doesn’t mean the rest of us have— and don’t look so shocked. I know for a fact that Oba-san still visits you whenever she’s in the city despite you and Tooru-nii not living together anymore. Why shouldn’t I talk to him?”</p><p>Miyoko stared her brother down, not letting the steal move an inch from her eyes as he flinched at every accusation she threw his way.</p><p>“You’re right,” he said. And she was… again. How many times was that this morning?</p><p>He sighed into his rice. Oikawa’s mother did still visit him. And he had cut Oikawa out of his life, but that was because—</p><p>“I don’t have his number anymore.” Hajime finally said. He had changed his phone and his number two years prior, after Oikawa had left, and Oikawa’s number hadn’t made the migration across to his new phone.</p><p>Miyoko sighed and reached into her pocket, removing a slip of paper that she slid across the table to Hajime.</p><p>“Now you do.” She said. Hajime didn’t pick it up, just looked from it to his sister and back again. “He wants you to reach out Nii-chan. He wants to be friends again.”</p><p>Hajime just shook his head, still refusing to pick up the paper.</p><p>“No,” he said. “No. He can’t. Not— not after everything I put him through. He can’t— I won’t let—”</p><p>“When have you ever <em>let</em> Tooru-nii do anything?” Miyoko interrupted. She sighed and ran her finger through her hair, pushing it back off her face and revelling the medley of piercings in her ears as she did so.</p><p>“Look Nii-chan. He wants you to reach out, so you need to reach out.” She finished off the last of her breakfast and pushed the plat aside, leaning across the table as she said the next words to her idiot brother. “You owe him that much.”</p><p>With that, Miyoko picked up the paper again and shoved it at Hajime’s chest, waiting just long enough for him to bring his hand up to it before letting go.</p><p>She stood up and walked over to her bag which was lying near the hallway leading to Hajime’s front door. Hajime’s eyes followed her, his hand still grasping the paper to his chest.</p><p>“I need to go,” she said as she slung her bag over one shoulder. “And so do you if you’re going to make it to work on time.”</p><p>Hajime looked at the clock.</p><p>“Shit.” He shoved the paper in his pocket and began grabbing the plates, planning on chucking them in the sink for later. His sister was already making her way out the door, stopping only briefly in the genkan to pull on her shoes.</p><p>“I’ll call you tomorrow Hajime,” she called over her shoulder. “You better have done it.”</p><p>Hajime grunted in response, but she had already gone.</p><p>He raced around his apartment and before long was sprinting out of the door and into the cool spring morning.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Hajime had been working for the last two years as an athletic trainer for the Japanese men’s V-league team, the Swedish Alders. There he had helped train many new and some familiar faces — including old rivals from his high school volleyball days, Kageyama Tobio and Ushijima Wakatoshi.</p><p>“Are you ready?” Beside him on the thin seats of the V-league head office, his co-worker and friend Sawamura Daichi sat bouncing his knee. Aside from Kageyama and Ushijima, Sawamura had also left their home town in Miyagi to pursued volleyball in Tokyo. Like Hajime, he had decided on focusing more on training rather than playing professionally.</p><p>That didn’t mean they didn’t still play. They had both joined a local men’s team with a couple of friends from high school and played on the weekends whenever they could.</p><p>“Are you?” Hajime answered. While Sawamura’s words had firm and calm, the jumping of his knee and the tight whiteness of his knuckles betrayed his nerves.</p><p>“Yeah. I mean, You’re the one whose going to get it so—”</p><p>“You don’t know that for sure,” Hajime interrupted him. “You’ve known Kuroo-san for the longest. He’s an old friend of yours. He might choose you over me.”</p><p>Sawamura shot him an exasperated look. “Don’t call him Kuroo-san, that’s weird. You’ve seen him passed out drunk in my apartment on more than one occasion.”</p><p>Hajime laughed at the memory. Back when they had first started as trainers for the Alder’s and Hajime had met Kuroo, who at the time had just finished his first year as a graduate in the V-League acquisition and sales team,  he had joined them both as they celebrated reconnecting after high school and finding successful employment in the field they loved.</p><p>“I know you’re trying to be nice,” Sawamura continued, pulling Hajime’s attention back to him. “But don’t bother. Kuroo will choose you, that’s guaranteed. I just don’t know what my position will be when you leave the Alder’s for a year.”</p><p>“You’ll take over as senior trainer for the Alders,” Hajime said with a shrug of his shoulders. It all seemed pretty clear cut to him. While both he and Sawamura had been put forward for this promotion, it became evident pretty early on that Hajime, who had a couple of years extra experience and a background specialty in sport-related injuries over Sawamura, was the favourite for the new position.</p><p>Hajime had been worried that the favouritism might impact his and Sawamura’s friendship, but his friend had taken it in his stride and instead dedicated himself to learning as much from Hajime as he could in the hopes he would be promoted within the team they were both supporting. Hajime felt that Sawamura was more than capable of handling the job.</p><p>His friend sighed, releasing one fist to run his fingers through his hair, Hajime could have sworn he heard the bones in Sawamura’s hand creak at the release of pressure.</p><p>“I know. I know,” Sawamura said. He gave Hajime a sheepish grin. “That’s what Suga said as well, but I can’t help being nervous y’know?”</p><p>Hajime nodded. He did know. While he was pretty certain this new position was his, it wasn’t guaranteed. He just hoped that if he wasn’t given it he could take the loss as gracefully as Sawamura did. (He suspected he wouldn’t).</p><p>The door to the main office opened and Kuroo Tetsurō walked out. He was dressed, as ever, in an impeccable grey suit with a red undershirt and striped tie. His hair, which Hajime had heard from both Sawamura and Kageyama used to resemble something of a rooster’s comb, was styled neatly away from his face. He cocked a hand on his hip and grinned at the two men in his waiting room.</p><p>“Gentlemen, please come in.”</p><p>Sawamura rolled his eyes, but followed Hajime quietly as the filed into Kuroo’s small office and took a seat in the chairs across from his desk.</p><p>“Sorry to keep you waiting, I had an important call I had to take.”</p><p>Sawamura opened his mouth, but Hajime rushed to butt in, worried that his friend might slip into a casual ribbing that would derail the whole meeting. He had seen them do it before.</p><p>“It’s fine Kuroo-san. We’re just anxious to hear the results of the board’s decision.”</p><p>Kuroo nodded and took a seat at his chair behind the desk, folding his hands under his chin as he surveyed them.</p><p>From junior in the V-League corporate team, Kuroo had risen the ranks quickly, his brains, charms and connections helping him earn a position as an advisor to the Volleyball Olympic board.</p><p>“Of course. But I’ll only tell you if you drop the <em>san</em> Iwaizumi. You’ve seen me passed out in Sawamura’s apartment too many time for that.</p><p><em>I told you</em>, came a faint whisper from beside him, but Hajime ignored it, instead appraising the challenge in Kuroo’s eyes.</p><p>“Whatever you say <em>Kuroo.</em>”</p><p>Kuroo grinned and reached over for a stack of papers on his desk and look over them, moving quickly through the different sheets.</p><p>“As you know, you both have been put forward as candidates to join the national V-league team in the lead up to the 2020 Olympics,” Kuroo began. “Unfortunately, considering you are both from the same team and that there is only one new position available, only one of you will be selected.</p><p>“The board has been watching you as you attend our practices with the current National team, but with tryouts now over and our new line-up selected, they have made their decision.”</p><p>He looked up at them then, placing the papers back on his desk.</p><p>“Iwaizumi, it is my great pleasure to offer you the position of junior athletic trainer for the Men’s National Volleyball team for next years Olympics.”</p><p>Hajime’s heart skipped a beat as he took in a deep breath. <em>It was him! He got the job.</em></p><p>Turning to Sawamura, Kuroo continued.</p><p>“Daichi, while you were not successful in this position, the board acknowledges your commitment to the sport and your skill as a trainer. With Iwaizumi dedicated to training the Olympic team for the next ten months, we would like you to take his place as the senior trainer for the Swedish Alders. We’re relying on you to keep them in top form while Iwaizumi is away.”</p><p>Next to him, Hajime noticed Sawamura sag a little in relief and the grin returned to stretch Kuroo’s cheeks.</p><p>“Now that the boring stuff is done with, Daichi when are you having me over so we can break in your new apartment?”</p><p>Sawamura looked as scandalised as Hajime felt. <em>What boring stuff? Did he mean their careers?</em></p><p>“Never,” Sawamura stated firmly, slamming his palm face down on the arm of his chair. “Suga has finally agreed to move in with me and will not have you barging in Kuroo-ing all over the—”</p><p>Kuroo burst out laughing. “Kuroo-ing? What the hell is that?”</p><p>Sensing that the conversation was heading for complete derailment, Hajime interrupted again, drawing the attention of his two friends back to him.</p><p>“Suga’s aversion to Kuroo’s personal style of interior decorating—”</p><p>“You throw-up in someone’s pot plant <em>one</em> time—”</p><p>“—What are the next steps for us now that the roles have been assigned?” Hajime ignored Kuroo’s interjected and Sawamura’s hiss of <em>Three times! In the same plant!</em></p><p>Kuroo leaned back and rubbed his chin. “Well Iwaizumi, you don’t technically start until Monday, and mister prissy pant’s over here—” another cry of indignation from Sawamura. “—just needs to show up to work like normal and the Alder’s head coach will handle the rest… but I guess I could introduce you to the new team?” His mouth curled in a grin that Hajime could only describe as feline.</p><p>“I think you’ll recognise some of the players. They’re in the gym now and should be just about finished their warm-up if you want to observe their practice.”</p><p>Hajime nodded. “That would be great thanks.”</p><p>With that Kuroo stood and Hajime followed him and Sawamura out of the office. They had started arguing again and Hajime had to remind himself that Kuroo was kind of like his boss and Sawamura a friend, to stop himself from cuffing them both over the head in order to shut them up.</p><p>“I did not throw up in that plant three times!”</p><p>“You did! Suga will back me up!”</p><p>“Did not.”</p><p>“Did too.”</p><p>“Did not.”</p><p>“Did too.”</p><p>“Did not.”</p><p>“Did too.”</p><p>“Well even if I did, it’s extra fertiliser!”</p><p>“The plant is fake!”</p><p>“Well, that sounds like a poor decision on your part Daichi. Who keeps a fake plan—”</p><p>Finally, they reached the gym doors and Hajime couldn’t suppress a grimace at both his friends as he pushed past them and onto the side court, where he came face-to-face with Oikawa.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>With the year coming to an end (along with most of our sanities) I wanted to post this story that has been knocking on my brain for a couple of months.</p><p>It may not seem like it yet, but it plays with a theme I have been thinking about a lot lately - falling in love/ finding your forever person too early.</p><p>In this too, I hope to explore the intimacy of Hajime and Tooru's relationship and how this theme might impact it.</p><p>Please enjoy and let me know what you think (it may or may not motivate me to post my updates sooner - do it and find out ;))</p><p>Updates fortnightly to monthly - please bookmark if you don't want to miss them! Please and thank you</p><p>- Wynter xx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A second meeting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tooru's an ass.<br/>Hajime's an ass.</p><p>Ushijima surprising helps... a lot.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 2: a second meeting</strong>
</p><p>Tooru had not been expecting to run into Iwaizumi so soon after the disaster that was drinks the night before.</p><p>While he personally had not partaken in <em>that</em> particular delight — other than the drink he stole from Iwaizumi of course — he could see from the sallowness of Iwaizumi’s skin and the circles under his eyes that his old friend was not fairing as well this morning.</p><p>Before, when things had been simpler and easy between them, Tooru might have teased Iwaizumi on his secondhand appearance. Ribbing and joking away whatever tension had caused his best friends to look so miserable this morning.</p><p>But things were not like that anymore, and the image of some strange man’s hands running down the sleek muscles of Iwaizumi’s arms, grabbing his wrist and pulling him out of the bar to go who-knows-where, was burned into the inside of his eyelids.</p><p>He’d tried not to watch last night when they’d traded hushed words over their drinks. He had tried to look away as the stranger had leaned in close enough he was blocking out Iwaizumi’s face — blocking out Iwaizumi’s mouth. But Tooru had not been able to look away.</p><p>A gentle hand beside him in the booth had been the only thing to finally pull his attention away as the stranger dragged Iwaizumi out of the club.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Hanamakki had looked at Tooru with concern, not bothering to explain why he was asking. He knew. The whole table of his friends knew.</p><p>Tooru pulled a smile up from the reservoir he had built within himself.</p><p>“Of course, Makki. Better than you for sure, you can barely sit without swaying!”</p><p>The comment had resulted in jeers from all his friends and demands for another round of drinks on Tooru. Tooru had complained but ultimately agreed, letting the banter, jokes and laughter distract himself from the missing member from their group.</p><p>Just like the night before, Tooru can’t drag his eyes away from Iwaizumi, or more accurately, the faint outline of a hickie sticking out of Iwaizumi’s collar.</p><p>He’d been trying not to think about where the stranger had taken Iwaizumi, but it was harder to ignore when the proof was being shoved into his face like that.</p><p>“O-Oikawa,” Iwaizumi stammered. He was clearly surprised. Once again the urge to tease rose up in Tooru, but he shoved it down with the rest of the feelings he didn’t want to deal with right now.</p><p>Tooru squeezed the empty water bottle in his hand. He’d been on his way to fill it up, but now he used the object to help ground himself as the wave of emotion at seeing Iwaizumi again so soon threatened to overtake him.</p><p>What was he doing here?</p><p>“Iwaizumi. Twice in less than 12 hours — are you following me?” Tooru let his easy, people-pleasing smile slide across his face. It had never worked on Iwaizumi in the past and would often spark his friends already concerningly short fuse, which (if Tooru was being honest) was exactly what he was hoping for now.</p><p><em>Fight me.</em> His smile was saying to Iwaizumi. <em>Yell at me. Give me a reason to be as angry at you as I want to be</em>.</p><p>But Iwaizumi just frowned and looked away to the rest of the team warming up and stretching on the court.</p><p>“I’m not,” He said. “I’m the new junior coach.”</p><p><em>You have got to be fucking kidding me.</em> Tooru’s insides were screaming, but externally he forced his smile wider, brighter.</p><p>“Oh really! Congratulations! That’ll be great.” He looked quickly to Kuroo and then man beside him, who he realised was Sawamura from Karasuno high school. “Excuse me, gentlemen. I have to go fill this up before we start. Don’t want to be late on the first official day!”</p><p>“Oikaw—” Iwaizumi started, but Tooru just brushed past him, walking as quickly as he could without running until he was on the other side of the gym doors in the much quieter hallway.</p><p>He leaned against the wall, his hand on his chest as he took deep steadying breaths.</p><p>What was that? A high school reunion or something? And Ushiwaka, Kageyama and Hinata were all on his team as well. Apparently, Miyagi had been the place to be if you wanted to work in professional Volleyball.</p><p>Taking one last deep breath Tooru walked over to the water fountain and began filling up his drink bottle.</p><p>Iwaizumi and him working together was bound to be tense, but if he was honest, he couldn’t ask for a better opportunity. He wanted to mend their relationship.</p><p>They had been friends, best friends for years. And Tooru had missed that the most over the last three years he had been away.</p><p>Screwing on the lid to his drink bottle, Tooru reset his shoulder and drew himself up to his full height.</p><p>He came here for a reason and he wasn’t going to let this awkwardness get in the way of him reaching any of his goals — Volleyball or personal.</p><p>Tooru walked back into the gym, smiled and nodded at Iwaizumi who was talking to the head coach, and jogged back onto the court to continue his warmup.</p><p>When their drills were finished, the coach called them over and introduced Iwaizumi.</p><p>“Iwaizumi san will just be observing today, but please take what he has to say seriously. He will be training you properly starting Monday and I expect you to show him the same respect you show me, understood?”</p><p>Tooru joined in on the chorus of <em>Yes sir!</em></p><p>“Good,” their coach continued. “Okay, receive drills first, let’s go!”</p><p>They broke off into two groups, and Tooru was lucky enough to be paired with Hinata for the first round of drills.</p><p>He and Hinata had met overseas while they were both away doing specialty training to improve. At the time Hinata had been making a name for himself as a Beach Volleyball player and Tooru had been impressed at his excellent control both of his body and the ball when he dove for a receive.</p><p>But that had been over a year ago, and it seemed the young man had gotten even better since then.</p><p>Tooru hit the ball into another hard to reach spot and watched as Hinata dove and caught the ball, receiving and sending it high before rolling and landing in a crouch on his feet.</p><p>“Nice receive,” Tooru said, eyes on the ball as it made it decent back towards him. He was readying to jump and hit again when a voice sounded from beside him.</p><p>“Hinata, you need to tuck your chin in tighter and activate your core more when you go in for a rolling receive. You will strain your neck or back otherwise.” Iwaizumi was standing about a meter to their left, arms crossed against his chest as he looked to Hinata.</p><p>Tooru was so surprised he nearly missed the ball and let it drop to the floor, but he caught it at the last second, eyes wide as he waited for Iwaizumi to acknowledge him.</p><p>“Thanks Iwaizumi-san, I’ll give that a shot next time,” Hinata said, standing up from his crouch and resetting his stance for the next receive.</p><p>“Good,” was Iwaizumi’s response. He looked briefly at Oikawa and nodded before walking away to the next pair.</p><p>Tooru watched him go in confusion. Wasn’t he going to say anything?</p><p>“Oikawa-san?” Hinata’s voice drew Tooru’s attention back to him. He was looking at Tooru in confusion.</p><p>“Ahh, sorry Shouyo. Let’s go again.”</p><p>Tooru threw the ball up and hit it again, impressed once more when Hinata received it with ease.</p><p>He let his mind go blank as he fell into the routine of the drill. Hit-receive, hit-receive. It was easy, monotonous and required little thinking.</p><p>Unfortunately, that meant his mind began to wander eventually, right back to the young man observing Kageyama and his partner receive the ball back and forth to each other.</p><p>Maybe Iwaizumi just didn’t have anything to comment on? They were doing receive drills after all, and Tooru had been in the hitting position.</p><p>But even after the coach called to swap, Iwaizumi barely said anything to him beside <em>nice receive</em> and <em>keep you core steady.</em></p><p>This trend continued throughout training however, Iwaizumi only talking to Tooru to make a small remark on his form or suggest a small adjustment to his landing technique after a serve.</p><p>By the end of training, Tooru had come to the conclusion that Iwaizumi was ignoring him. Well, ignoring him as much as he could while still doing his job as a coach. Tooru decided to catch Iwaizumi and talk to him about it once training had officially finished, but as they began stretching and warming down Kuroo came back out to the gym and called Iwaizumi over to follow him and finish up some paperwork.</p><p>Iwaizumi was still not back after Tooru and the team had finished having their showers and were packing to leave.</p><p><em> Monday</em>, Tooru thought. <em>I’ll talk to him about it on Monday.</em></p><p>Monday come and went, as did Tuesday and Wednesday, and before Tooru knew it was Saturday again, and he still had not had the chance to talk to Iwaizumi. Something always seemed to come up; one of the other team mates needed them, or Tooru had an appointment he had to run off to, or Kuroo called Hajime and the coach inside for a strategy meeting with the V-League board.</p><p>It was beyond frustrating.</p><p>So when Saturday morning training ended, Tooru stopped halfway through his cool down to call out to Iwaizumi, who had been packing away his notepad and water bottle on the side of the court, and walk over to him before anyone or anything else could steal him away once again.</p><p>Iwaizumi watched him approach with little surprise, like he’d been waiting for Tooru to take this chance, like he knew what Tooru wanted to talk about. He probably did. Once upon a time, there’d been no one who knew Tooru as well as Iwaizumi, and Tooru wasn’t sure that after nearly two decades of friendship that was something you could just turn off.</p><p>“Iwa-chan,” he said again as he got closer.</p><p>“Oikawa-san,” Iwaizumi said and Tooru winced slightly at the formality. “What can I do for you?”</p><p>Tooru felt his bottom lip jut out slightly in a pout and he crossed his arms over his chest. If Iwaizumi clocked the defensive stance, he didn’t say anything.</p><p>“That’s just it, isn’t it? In order to do anything for me you’d have to look at me wouldn’t you?”</p><p><em>Ah fuck</em>. That was not how Tooru had wanted to start this conversation. But he was angry and hurt.</p><p>Tooru may have been the one to leave three years ago, but it had been Iwaizumi who had ended their relationship… And now he as ignoring him. Not cool.</p><p>Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about Oikawa-san? I am looking at you.”</p><p>“No, not now. During training.”</p><p>“I’m not looking at you during training? Are you suggesting I’m not my job correctly?”</p><p>Iwaizumi was starting to sound defensive, and while a week of being ignored had Tooru filled with restless energy and almost itching for a fight, fighting would not be constructive to what he wanted to achieve by this conversation.</p><p>He dropped his arms back by his side and lifted his chin, letting out a small frustrated sigh.</p><p>“No— yes —no. I’m just saying you barely look at me during training and you have been offering less guidance to me than to any other member of the team.”</p><p>“I- I have?”</p><p>“Yes. And I understand you feel awkward Iwa-chan, but we’re on this team together and we need to figure out how we are going manage that. Because I’m not leaving and I can’t imagine you will either. We both have worked too hard for this.”</p><p>Iwaizumi signed, looking at Tooru wide-eyed.</p><p>“I um, I’m sorry Oikawa-san, I didn’t realise I was doing that.”</p><p>Tooru sighed again and smiled slightly, a real honest to goodness smile.</p><p>“That’s okay. This is tough for both of us.”</p><p>His response seemed to surprise Iwaizumi, and other man’s eyes darkened for a moment before he turned away to look back over the court.</p><p>“I’m sorry for that too, Oikawa. The other night, when you first got back, I didn’t behave very well. What I said and the way I acted was wrong and I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa whispered gently. He hadn’t been expecting to receive an apology for that, hadn’t really thought he needed one. It had hurt, sure, seeing Iwaizumi do that, but ultimately Iwaizumi was his own person and could do what he wanted.</p><p>Iwaizumi looked back at him, sincerity and regret heavy in his gaze. Tooru felt like his tongue was made of led as he swallowed thickly. <em>Maybe now?</em></p><p>“Hey! Hajime!”</p><p>Tooru felt his heart stutter as the unmistakable lilting female voice called down from the spectator-stands above them and effectively cut him off. Both men looked up to see a young woman leaning over the side of the railing grinning and waving at them.</p><p>“Miyu?” Iwaizumi said, and then louder, “what are you doing here?”</p><p>Miyu – whoever that was – pouted.</p><p>“You weren’t responding to my texts, so I thought I’d come and surprise you.”</p><p>“What…”</p><p>“Just a moment. I’ll come down.” Miyu turned and raced up the stairs, disappearing through the doors at the top into the hallway behind — presumably to make her way down courtside. Iwaizumi just stared blankly after her, and Tooru stared at Iwaizumi.</p><p>“Who was that?” Tooru hated himself for asking, but he had to. He had to know, had to prepare himself.</p><p>Iwaizumi blinked at the sound of his voice and looked back at Tooru as if only then remembering he was there and Tooru had to stuff the jealousy he felt towards this girl who had managed to steal Iwaizumi’s attention from him so quickly. It did not escape his notice that she’d called him Hajime.</p><p>Tooru hadn’t called Iwaizumi that in a long, long time.</p><p>“She’s, ahh. She’s um… She’s a friend,” Iwaizumi stammered out, his hand returning to his rub at his neck before he caught himself and let it drop.</p><p>A long time ago Tooru had told him that was his tell whenever he was lying or trying to keep something from Tooru.</p><p><em>She’s a lot more than that</em>. Tooru thought, but out loud he only made a small sound of accent.</p><p>The doors to the side of the gym opened and Miyu walked in still smiling. Now that she was closer Tooru had to admit she was cute. She was tall, not as tall as Iwaizumi, but still taller than most girls, her figure willowy under her formfitting jeans and soft white sweater. She had short brown hair curled loosely so it framed her face and the red plaid scarf around her neck made the pink of her cheeks stand out.</p><p>She was cute and Tooru instantly hated her.</p><p>“Hajime,” she breathed when she got closer. Her eyes flicked briefly to Tooru, appraising him for a second before going back to Iwaizumi. She looked at him like he was the only person in the room.</p><p>“Miyu,” Iwaizumi said again. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>Miyu puffed out a breath — in frustration or humour, Tooru couldn’t tell.</p><p>“I told you. You weren’t answering your phone, so I thought I’d come by your work and say congratulations in person.” Her smile widened showing two rows of straight white teeth.</p><p><em>She probably had braces</em>, Tooru thought, his tongue unconsciously gliding along the smooth row of his own teeth.</p><p>“Congratulations?” Iwaizumi sounded confused. Miyu pouted again, crossing her arms over her chest in an exaggerated display of disappointment. Tooru had to hold himself back from rolling his eyes. They were both ignoring him and it was beginning to irritate him.</p><p>“Yeah… on your promotion.” Miyu was still pouting and her voice came out as a slight whine. “You should have told me! I had to find out through Kou-chan.”</p><p>“Oh. Yeah, um thanks Miyu. Sorry I didn’t tell you. I started straight away, and things have been really busy with the team.” Iwaizumi gestured to the retreating figures of Tooru’s teammates who had finished stretching and were now collecting their things and heading to the locker room on the other side of the gym.</p><p>Tooru saw the chance and said quickly before either of them could fill the silence:</p><p>“Jeez, <em>Iwa-chan</em>. It’s not nice to keep a girl waiting in suspense. Shame on you.”</p><p>Iwaizumi jolted and looked at Tooru his cheeks flaming. But Tooru wasn’t looking at him, his attention solely on Miyu who was once again appraising Tooru warily — like she wasn’t sure who he was, but knew he posed a threat to her monopoly of Iwaizumi’s attention.</p><p>Tooru flashed her his most charming smile, crinkling his eyes in a way he had once been told was <em>very</em> attractive, and held out a hand to her.</p><p>“Oikawa Tooru. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”</p><p>“Oikawa?” Miyu whispered, her eyes darting quickly between Iwaizumi and himself and the hand he held waiting. Cautiously, as if she thought he might attack her if she moved too fast, she brought her own to meet his palm and Tooru clasped it gently as it shook it, once, twice, before letting it drop.</p><p>“Hasegawa Miyu,” She said.</p><p>Her hand had been smooth, but the tips of her fingers rough, as if she spent a lot of time writing or dealing with paper.</p><p>A writer perhaps? Or a teacher? And who was Kou-chan?</p><p>“I didn’t know you were back Oikawa-san,” Miyu continued. Tooru raised an eyebrow at the statement.</p><p>“Oh-ho, did Iwa-chan not tell you?” Tooru threw an arm casually over Iwaizumi shoulders, grinning down at his old friend and ignoring the searing heat of the skin of Iwaizumi’s neck — and how he stiffened under his touch.</p><p>Tooru hadn’t touched him like this, actually at all, in over three years.</p><p>“That’s not very nice.” He looked back at Miyu. “I’m sorry Miyu-chan, he can be such a brute about these things, communicating in grunts or— Ow!” a sharp elbow to Tooru’s ribs cut him off and pushed him away so he was no longer hanging off Iwaizumi.</p><p>“Shut up, Shittykawa.” He growled and Tooru’s heart swelled at the use of his old nickname.</p><p>“Oh Iwa-chan, don’t be sad! I’m sure someone thinks you’re growling is attractive! Now if only you could do something about that scowl  ̴”</p><p>“I don’t scowl,” Iwaizumi said, his mouth turning down and forehead scrunching in the exact scowl Tooru was talking about. Tooru laughed and a light seemed to shine momentarily in Iwaizumi’s eyes as he watched him.</p><p>“Yes, just like that! No one scowls like my Iwa-chan,” The words slipped out before he could stop them and both men froze, staring at each other. The echo of laughter was still on Tooru’s face, but he could feel the warmth from the exchange slipping away as the horror of what he said seeped in.</p><p>“I ah— I don’t think you scowl, Hajime,” A small voice said from beside them and they both turned to look at Miyu who was smiling sweetly at Iwaizumi. She didn’t look at Oikawa as she continued.</p><p>“Well, at least you never scowl when you’re with me.”</p><p>“Oh,” Iwaizumi said. “Yeah, um thanks Miyu.”</p><p>They were all silent for a moment, Tooru and Iwaizumi staring at Miyu, and Miyu gazing up at Iwaizumi, pointedly ignoring Tooru.</p><p><em>Rude</em>. Tooru thought, but before he could draw the attention back to himself Iwaizumi asked if there was another reason for why Miyu came by the gym.</p><p>“Oh!” Miyu said, clapping her hands together. “I wanted to see what you were doing after this. If you’re free, do you want to go and grab some dinner to celebrate?”</p><p>“Oh, ah—”</p><p>
  <em>No, no, no, no, no!</em>
</p><p>“Sorry Miyu-chan,” Tooru interrupted again, speaking before the rational part of his brain could stop him. “Iwa-chan is very busy with the team and—”</p><p>“Excuse me, Oikawa-san,” Miyu interjected, her eyes fierce as she once again returned her attention to at Oikawa. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I really did just come here to talk to Hajime, and I know he is busy, but training ended 10 minutes ago so he’s now off the clock and able to go out if he wants. Right?” She looked back at Hajime.</p><p>“Oh, ah yeah. That’s right.”</p><p>Tooru’s mouth opened to for a small ‘O’ shape.</p><p>“Great. Then it’s decided. I’ll wait with for you out front, Hajime.” With that she smiled at them turned on her heel to make her way back to the exit. Over her shoulder, she called.</p><p>“It was lovely to meet you, Oikawa-san.”</p><p>Tooru was still reeling from her interruption. He snapped his mouth shut and called after her retreating figure.</p><p>“Bye-bye, Miyu-chan!”</p><p>Miyu raised an arm in acknowledgement, and then slipped out of the gym doors and was gone.</p><p>“Don’t do that.” Iwaizumi said next to him, and Tooru pulls his eyes away from where Miyu’s figure had disappeared back to his friend. He raised an eyebrow, trying his best to look inconspicuous.</p><p>“Do what?” Too asked.</p><p>“That thing where you call someone by their first name and add <em>chan</em> on the end to make them feel small and childish next to you.” Iwaizumi ran a hand through his short hair. “Miyu doesn’t deserve that.”</p><p>A hot flush ran through Tooru at the sound of Iwaizumi calling Miyu by her first name and he willed it away from his cheeks.</p><p>“I don’t what you mean. I call you Iwa-chan and you don’t feel childish or small next to me.” Tooru’s lips curled as a little of the predator he was crept into his expression. “Well no smaller than you already are.” He raised a hand, palm facing down and moved it between the top of Iwaizumi’s head and his own, highlighting the height difference. Iwaizumi didn’t rise to the bait.</p><p>“I mean it Oikawa. I don’t care what you call me, but don’t do that to Miyu, she doesn’t deserve it and unnecessary.”</p><p>“Unnecessary?” Tooru questioned, the irritation at Iwaizumi that had been building within him since training began, crest the top of the dam he had built within himself to hold it back and coloured the tone of his voice. He opened his mouth to say something more, maybe to tell Iwaizumi that if he didn’t want Tooru to say something to his girlfriend maybe he shouldn’t have brought her to training to flaunt in Tooru’s face. But before he could say any of that Iwaizumi just sighed and shook his head. He mumbled an excuse about having to go and left before Tooru could even get the first word out.</p><p>Tooru shut his mouth with a sharp click, the breath he had been holding for his rant blowing out of his nostrils in an angry huff.</p><p>How <em>dare</em> Iwaizumi just walk away from <em>him</em> like that. He spun on his heel and marched into the locker-room. His teammates gave him a wary glance as he stomped over to his locker and wrenched it open with a clang.</p><p>Behind him, he could hear the faint shuffling and mummers of his teammates, but he was too consumed by his anger at Iwaizumi to notice until a hesitant voice said from somewhere behind Oikawa’s shoulder.</p><p>“Oikawa-san.” Tooru turned to see Hinata looking up at him with round eyes, concern radiating off him like heat. The young man stood fidgeting a little while looking at him, and behind him their teammates were paying to close attention to their lockers as they got their stuff ready to take to the showers.</p><p>Hinata had clearly drawn the short straw and been sent to deal with Tooru’s mood.</p><p>Despite this, Tooru felt the ice within him begin to melt at Hinata’s expression, just as the team had probably planned. It was hard to stay angry when faced with someone who was so genuinely concerned for your wellbeing.</p><p>“Shouyo,” Tooru sighed. “What is it?”</p><p>“Are you okay?” Behind him, Tobio Kageyama turned and shot them a quick look. The rest of the team continued their tasks, but Tooru had no doubt they were all listening.</p><p>“I’m fine. Iwa-chan and I just had a little argument is all.”</p><p>Hinata didn’t look convinced. Somewhere from their left a flat monotone voice entered the conversation, causing both Tooru and Hinata to stiffen.</p><p>“You shouldn’t fight with our trainers Oikawa. It’s not a good look for the team.” Ushijima Wakatoshi abandoned his bag of shampoo and soap to turn and stare cross-armed at Tooru.</p><p>“Excuse me?” just like that the warmth and calm he had felt from Hinata’s concern were thrown to dust as anger rose in Tooru once again. He sneered at Ushijima, the curve of his mouth threatening as he let some of the old heat between them show through the crack of his carefully constructed mask. Ushijima either didn’t notice or didn’t care as he continued his beratement of Tooru’s character</p><p>“I’m sure whatever it is you and Iwaizumi are arguing about can be resolved with a simple conversation. Arguing will make the training environment unpleasant for everyone, and—”</p><p>Tooru held up a hand and cut Ushijima off before he could say something that would push Tooru over the edge he had been silently skirting all afternoon.</p><p>“I don’t,” he began. “Recall <em>ever</em> asking for you opinion Ushiwaka-chan.” Condescension dripped off each syllable like poison.</p><p>“As part of this team I—” Ushijima tried to say again, but Tooru rose his voice drowning out whatever the other man had been trying to say.</p><p>“What goes on between Iwa-chan and me is <em>none</em> of your business.” Around them, the rest of the team had stopped pretending they were doing anything other than listening and were regarding both men in concern. One of the other spikers, Bokuto Koutaro looked ready to jump in between them if necessary, but a gentle hand on his shoulder from Kageyama was holding him back.</p><p>Tooru’s old Kouhai eye’s were on the two senior players. Kageyama knew enough about both Ushijima and Tooru to know that neither of them would let the fight escalate to blows.</p><p>At least, that’s what he hoped.</p><p>Ushijima frowned. “I didn’t mean to insinuate—”</p><p>“I don’t give a damn what you were trying to <em>insinuate</em>, Ushiwaka.” Tooru slammed the door of his locker shut, the noise stopping Ushijima from saying anything else as they stared each other down.</p><p>Ushijima looked to want to say something else, but he seemed to have realised he was not de-escalating the situation and remained silent.</p><p><em>So he can learn</em>, Tooru thought bitterly. Back in high school, Ushijima would have kept trying to reason with him and they would have ended up in a fight that edged dangerously close to being physical.</p><p>It was a shame really. The fire in Tooru was burning painfully hot, the anger and frustration causing his tired muscles to tense with restless energy, and he could have used a fight to work it off.</p><p> Why was everyone trying to test him today? First that girl — Miyu — and now Ushiwaka!</p><p>“I’m going for a run,” Tooru spat to no one in particular, and he ignored Hinata and Kageyama’s concerned calls as he left the locker room and gym, jogging out into the cold night.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Tooru was cold and tired when he got home. He had run from the gym back to his apartment complex, not bothering to go back for his bag or belongings. He would be back there again tomorrow morning anyway.</p><p>Using the spare key he’d hidden under a rock in the garden by his garage, Tooru let himself into the warm air of his apartment.</p><p>“Iwa-chan, I’m home!” he called into the dimly lit hallway. A small meow sounded and then the soft padding of feline feet as a shaggy brown cat ran across the wooden floor towards him.</p><p>His cat purred as he rubbed himself against the chilly exposed skin of Tooru’s legs.</p><p>The autumn nights had begun to get colder, and he had run home in his training shorts.</p><p>He knelt down and gave his cat a scratch under his chin. Iwa-chan mewed back indigently, regarding Tooru with one green eye and one brown.</p><p>“I know,” he said. “I’m late. Sorry to keep waiting Iwa-chan.”</p><p>He stood back up and stepped carefully around his still mewing cat and enter his apartment flicking lights on as he went.</p><p>“The human Iwa-chan was being really annoying today,” Tooru said, entering the kitchen. “He was being really rude to me again and ignoring me unless absolutely necessary.”</p><p>He opened the fridge and pulled out one of the pre-prepared meals he had made over the weekend in preparation for a busy week of training with his new team. He chucked the container into the microwave and set the timer before going back to the cupboard to find Iwa-chan his food.</p><p>“And then, if you can believe it, when I went to confront him about it we were interrupted by the rudest, most annoying, ugly girl you have ever met in your entire life.”</p><p>Iwa-chan meowed loudly as Tooru pulled a tin of cat food down and popped the lid.</p><p>“I know you haven’t met that many girls,” he looked down at his cat. “But trust me. You wouldn’t like this one.”</p><p>Tooru walked over to Iwa-chan’s bowl and dumped the contents of the tin inside just as the alarm for his own food went off.</p><p>Iwa-chan waited until Tooru’s back was turned (he felt slightly uncomfortable eating in front of people) before bending his small face down to eat.</p><p>Tooru didn’t look at him as he grabbed his own meal and walked the small distance from the kitchen to the couch, settling down on the floor at his small dining table.</p><p>They ate in silence for a moment.</p><p>“Actually Iwa-chan,” Tooru said quietly this time. There was no response from his cat eating on the other side of the room. “She wasn’t ugly. She was actually really pretty, and I think she might be a writer or something, so she’s probably very smart.” He sighed into his food, suddenly not very hungry. He pushed the container away and lay his head on the cool wooden surface of the table.</p><p>“And she was rude, but I was being rude too. Honestly, I’m kind of impressed by her standing up to me. And I think she knew who I was as well, y’know?” Still no answer and Tooru sighed again.</p><p>“I mean, I think she knew who I was to Iwa-chan, the human Iwa-chan, not just who I am as a volleyball player. But she still stood up to me… That’s kind of impressive.”</p><p>The silence of his home seemed to echo the words back to him. Iwa-chan had found himself a nice girl. One who was pretty, smart and strong, just like he’d want. Someone who could stand on their own feet and wouldn’t rely on him for every little thing… Like Tooru had.</p><p> Tooru felt the sad desperation that had once been his closest companion begin to claw its way back up his throat. A soft warm pressure in his lap drew his attention back way from the dark spiral in his mind, and the vibrations of Iwa-chan purring pulled a small smile out of him.</p><p>Tooru sat back up and looked down at the small cat who was snuggling down into his legs.</p><p>“Hmmm, have you finished eating already Iwa-chan? That was fast.” He stroked the cat gently and Iwa-chan nudged at his hand demanding more with a soft meow.</p><p>Tooru chuckled.</p><p>“You’re right Iwa-chan. I’m not like that anymore.” Tooru looked up and caught his reflection in the windows on the other side of his room. He had filled out a lot since high school, and even more since the end of university when he left Iwaizumi and Japan.</p><p>“I lived without Iwaizumi for a long time and I was, well not always fine, but I survived didn’t I?” He scratched the spot behind Iwa-chan’s ears that he liked the most and was rewarded with soft purrs.</p><p>“And I found you along the way.” He looked back at his reflection.</p><p>“Okay, Iwa-chan. I’m not going to give up. I didn’t just come back here for Volleyball. I’m going to make things right with Iwa-chan and then win the Olympics and show up Ushiwaka, Tobio-chan and Iwa-chan all that the same time.”</p><p>Iwa-chan meowed again from his lap, and that sounded like a pretty positive affirmation to him.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> Tooru was the first one at training the next morning. While this wasn’t unusual — he was aiming to be chosen as captain eventually — the emptiness of the gym that morning felt like a statement from the rest of the team to himself.</p><p>He had worn sweatpants over his training shorts on his jog over, and he was slightly too hot as he stripped them off and shoved them unceremoniously into his tightly packed locker.</p><p>His clothes from yesterday, shower stuff and clothes from today were almost too much for the little locker and he had just managed to shove everything inside and close the door when the door to the locker room opened and Ushijima walked in.</p><p><em>Great,</em> Tooru thought. <em>Out of everyone who had to be early today why did it have to be Ushiwaka?</em></p><p>Tooru was determined to ignore him, but Ushijima had a different idea as he walked quickly across the small room to stand in front of Tooru without even putting his bag down first.</p><p>“Oikawa! Don’t run away. I want to talk to you.”</p><p>Tooru sniffed and rose his chin indigently.</p><p>“I was not going to run away.”</p><p>“You were—”</p><p>“Was not.”</p><p>“You—” he sighed, long-suffering. “It doesn’t matter. I want to talk to you.”</p><p>Tooru lowered his chin and regarded Ushijima with a curious look.</p><p>“What about. If you’re after an apology for yesterday, you can forget it.”</p><p>“I’m not— I’m not looking for an apology. I want to apologise to you.”</p><p>Tooru couldn’t help it, his mouth dropped open in surprise.</p><p>“Y-you— You want to apologise to me?” he couldn’t believe it. Ushijima nodded his head, his expression solum and serious. “About yesterday?”</p><p>“Yes. And also about high school.”</p><p>“High school?” Tooru was confused. <em>What about school?</em></p><p>“Yes. You didn’t like me back then and I myself didn’t behave the best. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”</p><p>“Uncomfortable? Is this about the whole ‘<em>You should have come to Shiratorizawa’ </em>thing?”</p><p>Ushijima nodded again.</p><p>“Yes. I can’t image how uncomfortable that must have been for you, but rest assured I don’t feel that way now.”</p><p>“You don’t feel that— what are you talking about!” Tooru couldn’t keep track. Ushijima seemed to be trying to apologise for belittling Tooru’s efforts at Aoba Jouhsai during their time in high school, but the way he was saying it made Tooru feel like he was being broken up with.</p><p>It was Ushijima’s turn to look confused.</p><p>“Excuse me Oikawa, but I don’t know what you mean. I am apologising for my behaviour during high school. I know it can be uncomfortable for a straight man when a homosexual has feeling for them, and I didn’t know how to express myself properly at the time, so I made you uncomfortable and that’s why you hated me.”</p><p>Tooru was silent for a full minute looking at Ushijima, his mouth open in shock. There was too much to say, too much racing through his mind to know where to begin.</p><p>“You— straight. Me— What!” Tooru held up a hand as he tried to string his thoughts together enough to form a coherent sentence. What was actually going on? Was this a prank?</p><p>He looked up at Ushijima again, but all he saw was sincere concern and regret.</p><p>“Okay,” Tooru said. “Let me get this right. You’re gay.”</p><p>Ushijima nodded.</p><p>“And you had a crush on me?”</p><p>Ushijima nodded again. “I am sorry, Oikawa-san—”</p><p>“Stop apologising!” Tooru said loudly, silencing Ushijima once again. “I’m trying to figure this out.”</p><p>He ran a hand through his hair, not caring if he mussed it up.</p><p>“You’re gay and you had a crush on me in high school and you think that I hated you because of that?”</p><p>“Yes,” Ushijima said.</p><p>Tooru turned away from him and braced his hand against the cool metal lockers.</p><p>“Holy shit. Holy actual shit. I don’t believe it.”</p><p>“Sorry Oikawa, were you not aware of my feelings?” Ushijima sounded on the verge of horrified and Oikawa was ready to join him there. This whole situation was horrifying.</p><p>“Yes! I had no idea!” He threw his hands up. “And I can’t believe you thought that’s why I hated you! That I could hate someone because they are gay, or because they had a crush on me. I mean I’ve seen me, trust me, I get it!”</p><p>“So… that isn’t why you hated me?”</p><p>“No. Of course not... I’m gay!” Tooru said the last part in a rush, the force of the sentence making him fall back onto one of the wooden benches, his head in his hands. Ushijima stared at him, blinking blankly before a strange sort of understanding dawned over his face.</p><p>“Oh. Okay.” He sat next to Tooru and looked out across the white tiled floor of their locker room. “So, you didn’t hate me for that then.”</p><p>A muffled laugh came from behind Tooru’s hands.</p><p>“No, Ushiwaka. I did hate you, but not because of your sexuality. I could care less who you like —although I am kind of glad it isn’t me anymore. That could make training awkward.”</p><p>Ushijima nodded, even though Tooru couldn’t see. He agreed and was also relieved he’d gotten over his crush on Oikawa.</p><p>“Much like you an Iwaizumi.”</p><p>Tooru sat up straight so fast Ushijima could almost hear his spin snap into place. His teammate turned to him, the familiar fire burning back in his eyes.</p><p>“What did you say?”</p><p>Ushijima held up his hands.</p><p>“I didn’t mean any offence by it. It’s just knowing you’re gay makes a couple of other things make a little bit more sense. Like your anger yesterday after seeing Iwaizumi-san with his friend Hasegawa Miyu.”</p><p>Tooru groaned and put his head back in his hands.</p><p>“Was it that obvious?” he asked, turning his head slightly to see Ushijima’s reaction.</p><p>Ushijima nodded. “Yes, although if you had a crush on him during high school, your reaction is much more understandable.”</p><p>Tooru sighed and looked back down at the ground.</p><p>“I didn’t have a crush on him,” he said. “Oh, well I did, but it was more than that.”</p><p>He sighed again, and Ushijima remained silent, letting Tooru come to the words on his own.</p><p>“We dated,” Tooru said at last. “For four, nearly five years. We got together during our last year of high school and we broke up—” Tooru took a breath, swallowing thickly and Ushijima put a hand on his shoulder. It was strangely comforting.</p><p>“We broke up just after university ended, just before I left.”</p><p>“That was the reason you left?” There was no judgment in Ushijima’s voice, just objective understanding.</p><p>Tooru nodded.</p><p>“It ended badly.”</p><p>Ushijima squeezed his shoulder in silent comradery.</p><p>“I am sorry Oikawa. That must have been hard.”</p><p>Tooru lifted his head slightly, his fingers still hiding his mouth and wobbling bottom lip from Ushijima’s oddly kind eyes.</p><p>“It was.” He took another breath and lowered his hands. “But what’s done is done. I didn’t come here to let the past ruin my future.” He turned to Ushijima. “The teams future.”</p><p>Ushijima squeezed his shoulder again before dropping it.</p><p>“You are very strong Oikawa. I always thought so. I know we have not always been the friendliest to each other, but if you would like, I would like us to try and be friends.” Ushijima stood and offered Tooru a hand.</p><p>Tooru looked at it for a moment, before clearly making a decision and grabbing it, letting Ushijima pull him up as well. He nodded at Ushijima; he would like that.</p><p>“Spike for me?” He asked, and Ushijima’s resulting smile was all the answer he needed.</p><p>Their other teammates began to arrive as they finished their warmup. Ushijima was getting into position, ready to toss the ball Tooru was holding back to so the other man could set it for a spike when Tooru suddenly asked:</p><p>“Is she his girlfriend? That girl, Miyu?”</p><p>Ushijima was surprised by the sudden question, but he shook his head.</p><p>“Not as far as I am aware. They are friends, although I suspect she may want more.”</p><p>Tooru looked at the ball in his hands, spinning it slightly.</p><p>“Okay.” He tossed it to Ushijima. “Let’s go.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I have a lot of feelings about this chapter, but I think the one thing I want to say the most is: Everybody is trying their best.<br/>Ushijima: Best boy<br/>Hinata: A blessing<br/>Kageyama: Letting his Sempai sort it out because he knows Oikawa is more than capable.<br/>Tooru: He’s trying so hard and I am so proud of him!<br/>Hajime: I’m pretty sure he has no idea what is going on, but he’s still coming to work each day and doing his best to train everyone fairly.<br/>Miyu: Yeah, I know y’all probably don’t like her, but she is doing her best too chasing after the one she wants. I stan her doing her best.<br/>Iwa-chan (the cat): Because he is just too cute and I have no idea why there are 800 words dedicated to him when he wasn’t meant to be in the story at all, but I do not regret it.<br/>(comments and kudos welcomed!)<br/>Until next time,<br/>Wynter xx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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